Re-writing. Ugh.
Jan. 7th, 2009 07:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
casusfereArg, writer's block. Grr. So I'm playing with a writing exercise, taking old fics and re-doing them, with commentary.
...This is going to be painful.
First up, a piece I'm occasionally embarrassed to claim... "Virus."
The Editing Process:
First of all, I'll start with I hate this piece. I actually started hating it about halfway through chapter three. When I first started writing Virus, I'd only seen one other fic with the Barricade-is-Prowl idea. By the time I finished the second chapter, they were everywhere. Between that and some simply bad writing on my part, Virus is one of my least-favorite fics ever.
Starting from the beginning...
Chapter 1
Choppy sentences left right and center, here. There's stream-of-conscious, and then there's disjointed. I'm also not entirely happy with Barricade's characterization, either.
The second section of this chapter is actually the part I liked. A few minor changes needed, but I'm by and large not horrified by it.
Chapter 2
Infodump in aisle three... The concept of Robo-smasher as a virus still amuses me, actually. Conceptually, I don't have too much objection here, but the execution has issues. Having Barricade captured off-screen was a bit jolting, but I really don't think describing it is going to add anything. The scene changes are much too choppy.
A smidgen of detail would probably help. This entire section is utterly lacking in any sort of detail or description. Getting into someone's head would help, as well. And less passive voice, too.
Chapter 3
"Furious sideways glares" is one of the dumber phrases I've used. Right up there with Jazz's lines. For that matter, do I ever even explain why Jazz is alive? Why is Jazz alive? I'm not sure that Jazz's character actually adds anything to the story. Also, the bit about Prowl punishing himself... just feels weak. Again, it's not the concept of it that bothers me, it's the way I introduced it. Ick.
As a side note, Barricade's lines aren't all that bad. The characterization in this chapter feels much better than in the first chapter.
Chapter 4
Talk about jarring. End the last chapter with Prowl actually being Prowl, and then suddenly WHAM, it's all Barricade. This fic was never actually supposed to be fluffy-ending material, but up until about halfway through this chapter, I'd intended for it to be at least a neutral ending. But it just didn't seem to work, so I went with what felt like a much more realistic ending. Unfortunately, this meant a very drastic tone change from the chapters before.
And the choppy scene changes with infodumping make a reappearance.
I'm also not completely happy with Barricade's characterization here. There's 'evil bastard,' and then there's 'mad dog.' I need more showing and less telling when it comes to 'Cade.
Still not sure why Jazz lived. Also, I seem to have an italics addiction.
Posting for now, will be back with the edit later.
...This is going to be painful.
First up, a piece I'm occasionally embarrassed to claim... "Virus."
The Editing Process:
First of all, I'll start with I hate this piece. I actually started hating it about halfway through chapter three. When I first started writing Virus, I'd only seen one other fic with the Barricade-is-Prowl idea. By the time I finished the second chapter, they were everywhere. Between that and some simply bad writing on my part, Virus is one of my least-favorite fics ever.
Starting from the beginning...
Chapter 1
Choppy sentences left right and center, here. There's stream-of-conscious, and then there's disjointed. I'm also not entirely happy with Barricade's characterization, either.
The second section of this chapter is actually the part I liked. A few minor changes needed, but I'm by and large not horrified by it.
Chapter 2
Infodump in aisle three... The concept of Robo-smasher as a virus still amuses me, actually. Conceptually, I don't have too much objection here, but the execution has issues. Having Barricade captured off-screen was a bit jolting, but I really don't think describing it is going to add anything. The scene changes are much too choppy.
A smidgen of detail would probably help. This entire section is utterly lacking in any sort of detail or description. Getting into someone's head would help, as well. And less passive voice, too.
Chapter 3
"Furious sideways glares" is one of the dumber phrases I've used. Right up there with Jazz's lines. For that matter, do I ever even explain why Jazz is alive? Why is Jazz alive? I'm not sure that Jazz's character actually adds anything to the story. Also, the bit about Prowl punishing himself... just feels weak. Again, it's not the concept of it that bothers me, it's the way I introduced it. Ick.
As a side note, Barricade's lines aren't all that bad. The characterization in this chapter feels much better than in the first chapter.
Chapter 4
Talk about jarring. End the last chapter with Prowl actually being Prowl, and then suddenly WHAM, it's all Barricade. This fic was never actually supposed to be fluffy-ending material, but up until about halfway through this chapter, I'd intended for it to be at least a neutral ending. But it just didn't seem to work, so I went with what felt like a much more realistic ending. Unfortunately, this meant a very drastic tone change from the chapters before.
And the choppy scene changes with infodumping make a reappearance.
I'm also not completely happy with Barricade's characterization here. There's 'evil bastard,' and then there's 'mad dog.' I need more showing and less telling when it comes to 'Cade.
Still not sure why Jazz lived. Also, I seem to have an italics addiction.
Posting for now, will be back with the edit later.
