Silliness: Blitzwing's Dictionary of Understanding Reports

[casusfere]

The Blitzwing Dictionary of Understanding Reports
New to command and having trouble deciphering all those reports? Or High Command and looking to stay up on all the latest frontliner jargon? Then Blitzwing’s Dictionary of Understanding Reports is for you!


All-clear signal: Please stick your head out and see if they’re gone.
Camouflaged: Got drunk and ended up a different color, and have no idea why.
Crushed all opposition: We’re winning.
Despite firm resistance: Shot two neutrals and a lost minibot.
Destroyed enemy stockpiles: Someone tripped and shot the energon tanks we were trying to raid. They exploded.
Enemy entrenched: No fraggin’ way we’re going out there and getting shot.
Enemy has infiltrated local populace: Got in a bar fight, got afts handed to us.
Engaged in building-to-building search pattern: Went barhopping.
Engaged in psychological warfare: We’re hungover and they keep firing loud artillery.
Facing chemical warfare: Got glued somewhere embarrassing.
incapacitated enemy officers: Got our afts handed to us and dented someone’s armor in return.
Increased enemy activity: We’re losing.
Insubordination: My subordinate is smarter than me.
Insubordination, Gross: My subordinate knows he’s smarter than me.
Mutiny: All my subordinates are smarter than me.
Operations continue: We gave up on the plan three reports ago and are spending our time looking for enemy supply depots to raid and getting drunk.
Pursued enemy snipers: Shot at the commander because he’s a prick, didn’t get caught. Pretended to chase Autobots off.
Reconnaissance flyover: Flew over, saw enemies, ran like slag.
Routed the enemy: The Autobot patrol decided to run away when faced with a full brigade.
Scouting run: Looking for a bar that we aren’t banned from yet.
Stiff resistance: Someone’s winning, and it ain’t us.
Strategic retreat: Ran like Starscream from a fusion cannon.
Supplies are running low: Need more high-grade to deal with this slag.
Tactical troop movements: We’re lost.
Tactical troop movements, enemy: No slaggin' clue what they're up to.
Unable to advance our lines: Found a stockpile of energon, got stinking drunk, and are unable to even find our line, much less advance it.
Under fire from enemy snipers: Got shot at by a ground-pounder for being a prick
Weapon malfunction: Shot at the commander because he’s a prick and got caught.

Comments

[femme4jack.livejournal.com]

That was absolutely hilarious. Now I'm inspired to figure out an Autobot one.